Common Idiocy
by Tricia-chan
Summary: What happens when all is said and done in the end? A party, of course!!
1. Default Chapter

Note: The people portrayed in this 'fic belong to Squaresoft. And I apologize if I offend any nuns who read this fanfic.  
  
Common Idiocy  
  
"CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
The word echoed the room as the glasses and bottles of alcohol clanged together. All the men downed their drinks. Elly took a heathy drink from her glass. Emeralda examined her cup before swallowing her drink in one gulp. Margie took a tiny sip from her glass, then grimanced. She put down her glass and pushed it away. Maria didn't touch hers.  
"WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Bart, pouring himself another glass. "Maison, how much of this stuff do we have?"  
"At least twenty crates, Bartholomew-sama," said Maison, taking a careful sip from his cup.  
Bart looked over at Maria, who hadn't touched her glass. "Drink up, Maria! It's a party!!" "I'm only thirteen," said Maria. "I'm too young to drink this stuff."  
"So is nearly all of us!! But no one gives a damn!! Now drink up!"  
"No thanks.  
Fei downed another cup. "Man, I'm SO glad everything's all over."  
Billy waved his bottle. "Now we can CHILL!! Uh, Dad? Does this have alcohol?"  
Jessiah laughed. "Of course it does, baka! Why else are we drinkin' it?!"  
"Really?! Oh well." He took a huge gulp from his bottle.  
Rico rolled his eyes. "You REALLY need a girlfriend."  
"And YOU need a brain!!"   
Citan laughed. "I've never felt so young in my whole life!"  
Sigurd choked on his alcohol. "I second that."  
Bart suddenly slapped his hands on the table. All conversations stopped.  
"Hey Fei," said Bart. "How 'bout we have a teeny drinking contest? Y'know, a little game between buddies?"   
"I dunno," said Fei. "I never-"  
"Are you a chicken?"   
"Hell no!!! I stood up to Deus by myself!! I accept your challenge!!"  
"What if you get REALLY drunk?" asked Elly.   
"Don't worry," said Fei. "I won't.  
"I'll be ref," said Billy. He poured equal amounts of alcohol into their glasses, then drank some himself   
"Round one......GO!!!!!!" yelled Bart. Both downed their drinks without faltering.   
"Draw," said Billy. He poured more alcohol, and drank more.  
"Okay," said Bart. "Round two......GO!!!!!!"  
  
and so on and so on.........  
  
"'Raw," slurred Billy. He poured more alcohol. But more of it got on the table than in the glasses.  
"Round fify," slurred Bart. "GO!!!!!!"They drank the little alcohol that was in the cups. Obviously, Bart, Fei, and Billy were dead drunk. Elly stopped after two glasses. Margie and Maria hadn't touched theirs. Maison had passed out after one cup. And the other guys, Rico, Citan, Sigurd, and Jessiah, had drinken as much as the the younger guys. But they were managing to hold their liquor. Emeralda had also drinken as much as the guys, but was unfazed.  
"'Nother round!!!!" declared Bart.  
"YAB!!!!!!!!" yelled Fei.  
Sigurd rushed over and took the alcohol from that side of the table. "No more."  
"You albays sboil my fun!!!!" whined Bart.  
"YAB!!!! You merk!!!!!" said Fei.  
"Merk?" repeated Margie.  
"'Jerk'," translated Elly.  
"Oh my god," muttered Maria, putting a hand to her head.  
Bart pouted, glaring at Sigurd. Then he turned to Margie. "Hiya, Margie!! Howa 'bout we plab a teeby game?????"  
"If it's a drinking contest, count me out," said Margie.  
"Nob. It'b MORE fun than thab!!!!!!!" He stood. "Let'b go!!!!!!!!!!"  
He fell over, but Margie stood to support him. "Where? What are you talking about?"  
"Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!" was all Bart said.  
Sigurd's eye twitched. He ran over and sat them down. "You're both staying right here!!!!!"  
"Shub up!!!!!! C'mon Margie!!!!!"  
"YOU BOTH ARE STAYING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"What are you two talking about?!?!" demanded Margie.  
Sigurd didn't answer, as he was too busy trying to force Bart back into his seat.  
Fei stood suddenly, amazingly straight, considering how drunk he was. "You wuss!!! You made te wrob approachy!!! You gobba tabe by fodce!!!!" With that, he grabbed Elly by her wrist. "Cobe on."  
"Uh, where?" asked Elly as Fei pulled her to feet.  
"Jusb cobe on." He pulled her to the door.  
"Go for it!!!!!" yelled Jessiah.  
"Woo, woo!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Billy.  
"Good luck!!!!!!!" yelled Citan.  
"Good luck with what?! Wha-" Elly didn't finish because Fei pulled her out the door.  
Bart struggled against Sigurd's grip. "Why'b you leb 'em go????? Why nob leb me?????  
"Just shut up and stay still," said Sigurd. This caused Bart to struggle more. "Dammit, Citan help me out!!"  
  
Elly couldn't quite grasp the current situation. Fei was pulling her down the hall, staggering more than walking. And he hadn't told her what was going on.  
Suddenly, he stopped in front of a door. He stomped his foot several times. "Dabbit, how do you geb dis open?!"  
Elly examined the panel next to the door. "Oh, you have to push that side button-" She stopped herself.  
Those were specifically designed for bedroom doors. And this was Fei's room.  
The door came open and Fei staggered in, pulling Elly in with him.  
Elly didn't have time to act as she was shoved ahead of Fei. Her legs came in quick contact with the edge of his bed and she fell face-first onto it.  
She lifted her head to hear the sound of the door locking. Fei then flipped another switch and the lighted room fell into darkness.  
Elly squinted through the dark to see Fei's form. She sat up quickly as that form slowly advanced on her.  
  
meanwhile.......  
  
"Leb me go!!!!!!" whined Bart. Both Citan and Sigurd were trying to restrain him. They had gotten him out of the chair next to Margie and had put him on the other side of the table. But his hormones hadn't calmed down  
"Hellooooooooo!!!!!" someone sang out.  
"Oh dear God," muttered Sigurd, trying not to glare at Sister Agnes, who had had just entered the room.  
Sister Agnes skipped across the room to Margie. "Marguerite-sama, how are you?" 


	2. The Insanity goes on!!

"Fine," said Margie. "Uh, why are you here?"  
"Oh, the nuns and I decided to check up on our Mother of Nisan....." Sister Agnes looked at the scene across the table. "What have we here? Is Bartholomew-sama causing trouble? Marguerite-sama, you should really discipline him."  
"I jusb wabba hab fun with Margie!!!" slurred Bart, struggling against Citan and Sigurd.  
"'Fun'????????" asked Sister Agnes.  
"Yes, THAT kind of fun," said Rico.  
"What kind of fun?" demanded Margie.  
"Oh my, oh my," said Sister Agnes. "I must step out for a few minutes. Excuse me." With that, she ran out of the room.  
"WHAT KIND OF FUN?!?!?!?!?!?!" Margie yelled at Rico.  
Rico sweatdropped. "Uh, ask Billy."  
  
"So that's our situation," Sister Agnes informed the nuns.  
"Bartholomew-sama is THAT drunk?" asked one.  
"That's right. It's time for us to play matchmaker! But first, we have to get rid of Sigurd-san and Citan-san......"  
  
"Bart, please restrain yourself!" said Citan.  
Suddenly, a nun burst in. "Citan-san? You have a long distance phone call. Someone named.......Yui."  
"YUI?!?!?!?!" cried Citan. "I'm coming!!!!!" with that, he ran from the room.  
"COME BACK!!!!!!!" yelled Sigurd. "It's a trap!!!!!"  
But Citan was already gone.  
"Rico! Jessiah! Help me out!!!"  
"Oh, why not just let him go?!" asked Jessiah. "Hell, if Billy's hormones skyrocketed, I'd let him have a girl."  
"If he could find one," said Rico.  
"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT!!!!!" demanded Margie. She turned to Maria. "Do you know?"  
"Not in the least," said Maria, yawning with boredom.  
"Emeralda?"  
Emeralda downed another drink, unfazed. "I think he wants to 'play house'."  
"Huh? I don't get it!!!"  
  
"One down," said Sister Agnes. "One to go."  
"What about Sigurd-san?" asked a nun.  
"We can't trick him, so......."  
  
Sigurd finally came up with a solution. He tied Bart to the chair with a whip. He couldn't escape.  
"YOU BASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!" screamed Bart.   
"I'm smart," said Sigurd.  
"Actually," said Emeralda. "You got the idea from Billy before he past out."  
"Well, at least Bart is restrained!" declared Sigurd.  
"Siggie-poo!!" squealed someone. He turned to see seven nuns approaching him.  
"Uh, what are you all doing?" asked Sigurd.  
"Siggie-poo!" said one. "We want our time with YOU."  
"B-but, you're nuns!!"  
"Get 'em, girls!!" All seven nuns pounced at him, grabbing his arms and legs.  
"Let me go! Help!!!" yelled Sigurd, as the nuns dragged him from the room.  
  
"Well well," said Jessiah. "All that effort for nothing."  
Suddenly, Bart found the strength to break from his restraint. He screamed out a cry and struggled with great force, and the whip tore to pieces.  
"Drink up Margie," said Rico, placing a full bottle in front of her. "You'll need it."  
"Huh?" said Margie.  
"I suggest you run," said Maria. "But I doubt you'll get very far."  
Margie suddenly felt scared from Maria's tone. She turned to Bart, who was staring at her.  
Emeralda looked Bart over. "He looks like a dog in heat."  
"Well, he IS in heat," said someone. Everyone turned to see Sister Agnes and three nuns (as the rest were with Sigurd).  
Margie jumped up. "In heat?! What's that?"  
"You never told her what in heat means?" Maria asked Sister Agnes.  
"She never asked," said Sister Agnes. "But she'll find out real quick."  
Bart jumped across the table. Margie took several steps back to the door, but Bart was faster. He put his hands on her waist and lifted her up. Margie found herself upside down over his shoulder.   
The nuns cried cheerfully and threw confetti.  
"Don't worry, Marguerite-sama!" cried Sister Agnes. "It'll only hurt for a few seconds!"  
"Hurt???" Margie finally got it. "Wait! I'm not ready for THAT!!!!!! Put me down, Bart!"  
Bart didn't answer as he ran from the room. "That brings back so many memories," said Jessiah.  
  
"Bart, put me down!!" demanded Margie, as he ran/staggered down the hall. He was humming a drunkish tune.  
Bart ignored her as he stumbled into a room. HIS room.  
He plopped Margie onto his bed. He then locked the door and shut out the lights.  
"Uh, Bart?" said Margie. "Maybe we can just talk abo-"  
She couldn't finish because Bart kissed her deeply.  
Well, maybe it won't be all that bad, thought Margie. She started pondering how Bart would react to this in the morning.  
Then she found herself preoccupied.  
  
the next morning......  
  
"Hey. Wake up."  
Billy groaned, trying to ignore whoever was trying to wake him up.  
"C'mon. Wake up."  
"Lemme 'lone," he muttered. "I gotta hangover......"His eyes snapped open. HANGOVER?!?!?!?  
Billy was still seated at the table. His head layed on it and his arms were sprawled in different directions. He looked up to see who was bothering him.  
Emeralda was seated on the table right in front of him. Not only did she not look sleepy, but she looked completely unfazed from all the alcohol she drunk the night before.  
"Where is everyone?" she asked him.  
"How do I know? You were probably up all night!"  
"I fell asleep an hour ago. When I woke up, they were gone. And Kim hasn't come back."  
"Why do you call Fei that?"  
"That's his name. Or at least it was 4000 years ago."  
"Did you see what the world was like 4000 years ago? Tell me 'bout it."  
"Okay. You see......."  
  
When Fei woke up, he was aware of many things: his head hurt, he was naked, someone was laying next to him, and that person was also naked.  
Shit, what happened? he wondered. He was almost afraid to open his eyes. But he cracked one open and looked to his side.  
Elly lay there, asleep.  
Thank God, he thought. I'm glad Bart's not sleeping next to me......Wait, how'd this happen?  
Elly stirred, then opened her eyes. She smiled at Fei. "'Morning, Fei."  
"Um, 'morning. How-"  
"I figured you wouldn't remember. You got real drunk, and all.""Did we......?"  
"It's a little obvious. I guess you don't remember THAT part, huh?"  
Images flooded Fei's brain. He turned red. "Um, some of it."  
"Do you want me help you remember?" She slid her hand down his abdomen  
"Uh, sure. It sounds fine with me."  
"Good." She leaned over him and kissed him deeply. Fei put his arms around her and pulled her on him.  
  
Bart woke up slowly. Considering what he became aware of, and it wasn't just his awful headache, he easily guessed what happened.  
Oh God, I.......but with who? he opened his eyes, praying the sleeping person on him wasn't a guy.  
Margie was there, in a deep sleep.Or was she?  
Bart gently slid Margie off him so she was beside him. He couldn't tell if she was awake....  
Suddenly, he spotted one of her eyelids, which were slightly open. Then it closed.  
So she's pretending to be asleep, huh? he thought, tracing her jaw with his fingers. Maybe I can help her become more awake......  
  
".....And that's about it," said Emeralda.  
"That's cool," said Billy, who was drinking strong coffee. "Let's go look for everyone."  
"Okay. It's boring around here."  
They left the room and walked down the hall. They checked Maria's room to see her asleep. Emeralda had wanted to go into Fei's room since they heard strange noises coming from there, but Billy said no. There were even stranger noises coming from Bart's room. Though Emeralda paused for a moment while passing that room, Billy didn't.  
Rico was dead asleep in his room, his TV blaring loud static. Billy didn't check on Jessiah because he knew how his father acted during a hangover.  
Citan wasn't anywhere, apparently leaving quickly for Lahan in his Gear (as that was the fastest way of travel). When they went to Sigurd's room, it was VERY strange.  
Sister Agnes was standing outside, smilimg her usual weird smile. "Oh, you two can't go in there. Young eyes cannot see the sins in which we've commited. Hohohohohoho!!!!!!"  
Billy brushed past her and shoved the door open. What he saw scared him.  
Emeralda peeked over his shoulder, but Billy slammed the door shut. "Damn! What the hell kind of nuns ARE you?!?!?!"  
Sister Agnes laughed cleverly. "Just nuns. How are Marguerite-sama and Bartholomew-sama doing?"  
"Oh, I heard-" began Emeralda."They're busy," interrupted Billy.  
"YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! The plan worked!!!!!!!!!" cried Sister Agnes.  
"Waitasecond. You had your nuns seduce Sigurd just so Bart and Margie could do it?!?!?!?!?!" exclaimed Billy.  
"Young love is always the right love, Billy. You should take that into consideration and find a nice girl. Emeralda seems like your type."  
"HUH?!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
an hour later.........  
  
"I'm baaaaaaack!!!" declared Citan, as he entered the mess hall.  
"Citan!!!!!" screamed Sigurd. He ran over and hugged his legs. "It was horrible!!!!!! They made me take off my clothes, and dance, and-"  
"Whoa, calm down!"  
"Damn, stupid hangover," muttered Jessiah, who was drinking strong coffee. As was Rico, Fei, and Bart.  
Maria sipped her tea. "So what happened? After the whole Bart and Margie thing, I went to bed."  
"Nothing really," said Rico, downing his cup. "Stupid, shitty hangover....."  
"My night was a blast!" yelled Bart.  
Margie rolled her eyes. "You don't even remember what happened last night!"  
"That's true......but I remembered this morning!"  
"As did I!" said Fei. Elly blushed a dark red.  
"Kim, why didn't you come back last night?" asked Emeralda.  
"I was, um, busy. Yes, busy!"  
"I was wondering," said Billy. "As to what we are all gonna do from now on? I mean, we saved the world, and all."  
"Let's throw another party!!!" said Bart.  
"Bart," said Sigurd. "there are a lot more important things to do--"  
"What's wrong with parties?!"  
"Plenty."  
  
  
  
Wow, talk about a total nut job!!! Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this fanfic, and be sure to RR this. And as I said before...if I offended anyone with the way the nuns acted, I apologize. No flames, 'kay? Thanks for reading!! ^_^ 


End file.
